i listen and drive while you talk.

The things about writing (about all art really) is that when you start to feel pressured to produce it, it becomes a chore. And once I feel that pressue, I start to feel guilty, and resentful, and then I pretty much just avoid it.

Like this blog.

But I'm not just speaking about writing. Its in everything... once we feel like there's obligation involved, its like we're children who've just been told that there won't be any dessert till we finish our broccoli. We freak the fuck out.

I'm not trying to eloquent here, because I'm mentally exhausted and I just don't have the time. I'm also not angry or upset, I'm just being honest. Recently, it seems like honesty has become a very complex topic in my life. Its both a heavy burden and an answer that I'm searching for.

You know that point in a movie, where the character is about to open the door, or peak inside the box, or look in the envelope? Right before they do, there's always a moment... a moment where as a viewer, you know that everything is going to change once they cross that threshold. You want to stop them, prevent them from experiencing what every movie-goer knows is going to be a difficult journey. There will probably be pain. There might be even worse things around the next corner.

I want to call this the truth-threshold.
"Do I want to know, or do I not want to know?"
More often than not, the age of computers and instant access to information means we cross that threshold. Almost always, we see the line and we run straight across it.

And we end up knowing, perhaps, too much. We end up knowing things that maybe we shouldn't know. For human beings, having all the answers gives us too much power. Its more than we can handle. We overthink situations that haven't even happened based on information we shouldn't even have.

I'm not advocating that we don't ask questions... I'm simply pointing out that there's not much value in the answers if we get them so quickly and so effortlessly. Or maybe I'm pointing out that the answers we get aren't answers at all -- its only temporary. Its a convenient truth.

Its the equivalent of having a remote control that fast-forwards in high-speed. Freeze frame: the character is about to open that door. Fast forward: The end of the movie. Plot revealed.

What happened in the middle? Who cares, right? You got to skip that and get to the juicy stuff, the conclusion, the answers. No struggles, no challenges, no hard and awkward scenes. Just the gritty bare minimum. To some, this is enough. Being satisfied with what is easy becomes what is true.

Is it worth giving up some of the answers we think we already have, to risk seeing what happens when we cross the threshold? What would we risk to get answers?
What would we risk to forget the answers we think we know, and what would we put ourselves through to get the truth instead?