one sweet love.

Not January 1st; Today is the first day of a new year. Specifically, of mine.

And because this is MY New Year, I have some resolutions.

-In this year of my life I will take real risks. Not "I'm going to drink a tank of mercury just to see what happens" risks, actually scary, life-altering, risks. The things I'm really frightened to do, I'm not going to hide from, I'm going to take them on face first. I will not be scared of anything.

- This year, I will tell the truth. Even when it hurts me to do so. Even when it'd be easier to lie, I will let truth be my identity. Sat nam.

- I will stop worrying about who feels what towards me and simply feel however I feel towards them. I will let go when its time to let go, and I'll fight like a real fuckin warrior for the friends who are in my life. No more putting off letters, emails, phone calls... no more selfishness about being open.

- I will wake up every day and just be grateful. I will remember this feeling I have right now; free and deliriously happy. This year has been wonderful and thrilling, and also long, and hard, and heartbreaking. But thats ok.

- I'm going to start forgiving myself and everyone else. Pema Chodron says "come as you are". Every day can be like this, not just today. Life can be like this.

I'm having a mind-blowingly fantastic day, (even though not everything is perfect). I did things for myself that I really wanted to do, got some really thoughtful gifts and I had a wonderful night last night where everyone bought me drinks, and random people dedicated songs to me. Not bad.

And probably tomorrow this high will be over and I'll feel ordinary. But... BUT - I don't aplogize for that. Even if I seem like an ass for being so dizzyily thrilled -- I want this. I feel more alive like this, and I'm going to bottle it up for the next year of my life.