dark blue, dark blue, have you ever been alone in a crowded room? when i'm here with you?

i don't know if i believe in past lives.
or any sort of weird veiled religious theories about souls, time and lives, for that matter. but i have to admit, my reaction to certain disconnected things always makes me think that maybe there is something in us that knows more than we consciously understand. certain preferences or fascinations... maybe it does all come down to neurons and science. or, maybe something else within us recognizes something from our past.

(wow, if you just survived that weird tangent, congrats.)

the reason i bring that up: when i saw this tiny article in the paper, i seriously freaked out.
(and SO tiny -- this seems like such a huge deal to me, and there it is, stuck in the back of the paper.)
i just started saying "Oh my god. Oh my god." and i wanted to run and tell someone about it. i wanted to show everyone that there was finally proof for everyone else of something that i had known was real, forever.

i mean, i guess it can't possibly be Colossus of Rhodes, which was made of iron and would have been much, much bigger. but thats what i wish it was proof of.

unlike jesus, or buddah, i have never questioned that Colossus of Rhodes existed. i remember when i learned in elementary school that it had been destroyed and never found, that maybe no evidence of it existed. i got ridiculously sad. more sad, i think, than if you told me my pet had died. really.
i know that sounds absurd.
i was shocked that it had been destroyed, i felt like it was some sort of personal offense committed against me. and then i remember the thought popped into my head: But that means... I'll never see it again. And then another voice said: Again?

maybe i'm just attached to human displays of genius and grandeur... i'm usually blown away by them, and intensely sad when i hear they've disappeared or have been destroyed. like when paintings are stolen, or when i read about ancient temples that were burned. i feel like i've lost something.

if i see the pyramids of giza, or the great wall of china, or the taj majal, nothing in the world willbe different for it. if i never saw a single one the world would still be no different for it. no record of my seeing them will really ever exist, or if one did, it could never outlast those things themselves. but still -- if i die without seeing those things... well, a little piece of me would die incomplete and disappointed.

i mean... can you imagine. FIFTEEN FEET TALL. this statue they discovered was solid marble. 15 feet tall. can you imagine what kind of city it was in? how long it stood for? how long it took to create?
the things that have existed on this earth, that might exist, the possibility.

<---- blah blah, yeah yeah, crazy crazy.